Fake it til you make it

I find that I spend a lot of time just trying to be a person. I get awkward when people ask how I am. I don’t know how to answer that question. All responses either seem too light or too intense.

It’s been a couple of months so things should be getting better and I guess they are kind of. I had the worst nightmare since Vegas about 4 nights ago. It impacted my entire next day. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I heard the gunfire again and I was trapped in a building this time with 2 friends and a baby. There was no where we could go. Even dream me was like “you have to be fucking kidding me, another shooting!?! S was so wrong, odds schmodds ” But in the dream I was even more trapped. It was like my mind took the reality of the event and tried to make it an even worse situation. Which is so not cool and I don’t think it is helping the healing process at all.

I do take anti-anxiety meds to help me sleep but I don’t take them every night because the opioids crisis has me a little freaked out too.

It’s so hard to know what to do to feel better and how to deal. I still can’t listen to country music which make me sad. But I can listen to other kinds of music now which is great!

So I guess it’ll be slow going and a lot of faking it til I make it.

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