The Ramones had it right

Sleep is the best or it used to be. The quiet before sleep is now the time for all of the thoughts I avoid during the day to come to the forefront. Now no matter how tired I am when the night settles all the yuck comes rushing in. I think of all of the sad or awful things I unwilling saw during the day. A picture of a starving polar bear from Nat Geo on Insta, a head line on Yahoo about some evil person killing their child….

One sound can trigger a thought spiral of potential dangers. Last night a helicopter went through the neighborhood and I started to worry about who they were after, what if someone or many someones broke into the complex, how would I protect London… then a plumbing pipe rattled and it sounded like distant gun fire. The spiral continued until I was teary-eyed, sleepless, and wanting to throw up.

I’ve been trying not to take my anxiety meds every night because they can be addictive. My Dr says we’ll worry about that if we get there but for now they are the best option. At this point I still can’t fall asleep or sleep without nightmares. So given the options…

I wanna be sedated.

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